seriously doubting

if you're not sure what to do, do you wait or do you jump anyway?

do you wait and risk floating for an indefinite amount of time but have the assurance that you're not stuck in something you don't want. or do you jump and risk having that lump in your throat that says this isn't exactly what you want?

i want to try to be a buyer for a retailer whose style and identity i believe in. and that's why i'm resigned to going to fidm. it's not like i really want to study there. that's not the point. the point is getting into a position where i can get my target job. it's not even something i see doing for the rest of my life. it's just something i would like to try getting my hands into.

the other option is taking classes at art center while being able to devote more time to working part time at a store focusing on the visual merchandising.

i'm more of a visual person and what turns me off about option one is the business side it entails. being a buyer, you need to have strong negotiation skills, blah blah, which DO NOT have.

shit i don't know what to do. the deciding factor here, assuming i have decided, is time. i've "decided" to go to fidm because it hastens things. maybe gives the illusion that i'm getting somewhere. just like the illusion that MIS gave me.

the comfort i take in option 2 is... if you're doing something you really enjoy and are interested in, can you really go wrong?

but like i said, time is the deciding factor. really can't get everything i want. if i were sure to stay here my whole life, i would probably do option 2. if i were thinking only of the present and not worry about the future, i would do option 2. if i didn't think that i wanted to go back, i would do option 2.

fuck. help me decide.

classes at fidm start oct 5. and if i don't show up first day, i can still get all my money back.